Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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