Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
