I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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