so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
