she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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