I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
