Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
