What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
