I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I want you more than these girls want KFC
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
