Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
