dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
