She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
