Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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