I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
