Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
