so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
