she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
