The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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