my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
