I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
