Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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