Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
