apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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