thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
