Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
