Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
