Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
