I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
