You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just invented taco cereal.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
