Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
