I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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