Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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