what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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