tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
