I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
