I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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