Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
