i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
