i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
