She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
