They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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