Slut skills are useful in every country.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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