If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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