Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
So many bounce houses so little time
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
