Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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