I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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