theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
