I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
