he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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