dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
