8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
you inspire me to be a worse person
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
the raccoons are back...
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