goodnight i made you a song goodbye
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
