If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
